missing a stitch

I am sorry to say that I failed my driving test again today. I had NO markings on the whole test sheet apart from one on each manouver - probably the most frustrating fail of the three so far. My head wasn't in it, the examiner (who was really lovely, the nicest so far) actually asked me if I was feeling ok at the end of it, and said my driving was so good he couldn't understand what had made me mess up the manouvers, "I've just got a lot on my mind" was the only answer I could give.

And a lot on my mind I certainly have. I went to a coffee shop afterwards for my one and only coffee of the day allowed by my diet, and nearly cried into my cup. I didn't cry though, my ears picked out the minor chords of the cafe music playing and I just sat and had a think. Someone cheesy once told me that life is like a tapestry - often all you can see is the back of the tapestry, which is full of lose threads and disorganised colours. But the front of the tapestry is beautiful, and it makes sense as a whole. I'm not sure at what point we ever get to see the front of the tapestry but, for me, I can safely say it's not aged 25. All of the decisions I've made, choices I've taken, paths I've walked have seemed to make less sense to me this week than ever before.
xx