tears and exploding sheds

I got my essay finished..yay! It wasn't what it intended to be, but I don't suppose things often are?! It's theme/title changed agin, after again, it morphed into simply 'love'. Started after headspace, worked til 4am, went to bed and got up to finish at 8ish am. A funny thing happened last night though....at about half 3 as I was nearing the close of the first draft of the essay, I came to write about abit of the bible which has always meant soo much to me. Someone who is now a long-lost blssing gave me a card on the day of my baptism, and on it were the verses at the end of John's gospel...the reconciliation between Peter and Jesus. When I first read them years ago, I was abit baffled by them...but slowly they became totally relevant. So last night, at 3:30am, I found myself sat in an empty office crying before my computer screen...crying and hoping and finding myself closer to God than I've felt in awhile. It really WILL all be ok...we are loved and cherished.
So after my tiring night...a nice light and relaxing day would have been good..but NO! The first 3 hour seminar on drug abuse and the like was good. Then came dinner, and a long and confusing discussion on the theories of Atonement...why did Jesus die on that cross? Si was speaking in our evening seminar...on that very subject. I'm not going to go into details...but randomly about half way through I got this really odd image in my head! At the Tate Modern, theres this one piece which is this huge exploding shed...all these pieces of shed, and articles from inside the shed, are suspended in mid-air, caught in the instant that the whole thing comes apart. So...in my head tonight, there I was, caught in this exploding shed, suspended, shocked in mid air, struggling to grip the pieces of the whole which now surround me. I suppose this was quite an apt picture really...I;m trying to fit together bits of stuff that I know, things I believe to be true and things I know to be true...and new things which are really only fragments...its all very confusing! BUT...its not bad, I feel really 'safe'. Confused and questioning, but I know that I;m held...I can fall back on what I know and trust, and He will always be there. Sheltered in the feathers of his wings.
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