Hmm...have had to count to ten and calm down tonight, in fact I've had to do that afew times lately! I keep finding myself getting quite wound up by people and by things...and I dont really like getting wound up, when in a bad way...its not fun. Maybe its chasing an ideal, what we should be like...what the people around me should be like, what the church should be like, what my bar should be like..what I should be like. Spose it's God giving me hints, if he was manager of All Bar One he'd be giving me sales targets...not that God ever would be manager of All Bar One...! So I have these things which I know should 'be', and 'aren't', at least they 'arent' enough. So then I get frustrated..instead of trying to do somehting about it, concentrate on the way that I am and 'are' etc, I get frustrated and discouraged..think that could be it! Sometimes its hard though, to figure out how to change things by 'being' when you feel quite small and not very useful..its easier to just get frustrated and wallow in the shortcomings of it all. Feel bad typing all this cos I feel like Im being negative...but Im not really being negative, it helps to rant, and then hopefully I'll be able to be more positive..in fact I deifnately WILL be more positive! Does this make any sense...do I sound totally negative..?!
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