what have I learnt?

The penultimate frontline training session took place today...I cannot believe that this is nearly over, its the old scenario in which it feels like I have been here for forever or just for a week or so...and I cant quite make my mind up which!
Steve (Chalke) took us for the evening session (after an excellent session on social justice by lovely Jenny and another guy called Glen, both from

here

). He started by splitting us into groups and getting us to chat about what we've loved about this year, what we havent loved about this year, and what we've learnt from this year.
What have I learnt? I gave 2 answers to my group, Ive learnt to persivere in being who I am even when it doesnt seem to fit in...and Ive learnt that, wonderfully and fearfully made as I am, I cant do it (whatever "it" may be) in my own strength...it just aint happening. Both good answers, both true. But then came to feed back, to sharing with the rest of the room, if we wanted, something we'd learnt. I completely forgot what I'd said in my group - and all that was in my head was this : I have learnt that life can be hard, even though I am blessed and loved beyond understanding, live a life bursting with potential and opportunity and friends...it is hard sometimes. Part of me wants to fight against it and say no this shouldnt be hard, I'm being pathetic, and really I have no idea what suffering is, what pain is. And maybe compared to some people I dont. But that has been my lesson this year - life is sometimes hard. And I think its a lesson I needed to learn. My faith is going to be stronger for learning to acknowledge this I think...in the end. It will be older and abit more weathered, but it will be stronger.
xXx

sabbatical

Sabbatical - what is it, and how on earth do you spell that word?! Whatever it is...I think that I'm almost taking one this summer. I say almost, because, although Im not quite sure about the definition, I think you have to be taking a break from some sort of full time work for a break to be a sabbatical. Does that refer to me? Not sure! But anyway..I need a break - from London; from church, at least church as it is for me right now - no dissecting of the term church please because Ive had enough!; from being constantly tired and speant. Need to get my head sorted and to learn how to be recharged again. To be on my own and to have space which is not my bedroom/the office/a city with no gaps, to be by the sea and to breathe fresh air. So...I have my flights booked - and its Panama for a month, all the S's - spanish school and scuba diving and, best of all, space!
xXx

The last long weekend

Well tomorrow will see the close of my last 'long weekend break' from Frontline before I finish...only a matter of weeks to go! And a strange and lovely weekend it has been! Staying with my sorely missed Lammie, and both of us staying with Jo and the toys too. Being tempted to sack off London in favour of following in the footsteps of Est and Bri by migrating to Rose Cottage! Drinking lattes and doing cross words, cotton buds and hair balls and good old ghd! Paying a visit, one year on, to the sweaty madness of the union...finding out what all the new finalists got in their degrees...marvelling that its been a year since our results, knowing that for some of them the next year will be as much of a struggle as it has for us...wondering how it'll all turn out. Some people had changed lots, others hardly atall, and I wondered how they thought Id changed...a manicure and slightly shorter hair, or more than that? Who knows? Not me! But I feel refreshed, tonight can be speant in the familiarity of home, and then I might just be ready to go back south and handle the next few weeks, and then...? Again, who knows? Not me.

poor baby

I had a traumatic experience yesterday on my way to work! I was walking underneath the waterloo/westminster bridge thing on my way to wor, when I noticed somehting out of the corner of my eye. A baby pigeon sat, a little ball of grey feathers and a beak more yellow than any grown up pigeon, looking at me from beside the wall - it had fallen from its nest up above. It was sooo sweet - it nearly broke my heart! I stood watching it for ages, I just wanted to wrap him up in my cardigan and take him to work, hide him in a box and then keep him as my very own pigeon! But I decided that was impossible...health and safety and all that...not to mention Ryan's reaction if he'd have got as far as the flat! So I decided to take a step of faith...walk on to work, praying all the way and trusting that God would watch over my baby...like Miriam and baby Moses! I was quite worried all day at work as you could imagine..fighting of the guilt and the worst case scenario images in my head. I wasnt finishing work unitl 8...a guy I was working finished at 5, so after much pursuasion he agreed to go to the bridge, following a map to the pigeon I had drawn, to see if he was still there. Good news was brought back...he had found some baby pigeons all being taught how to fly by their parents..he said they were pretty close to succeeding...so we deduced that my pigeon must, in fact, have just been taking a small break from flying lessons...oh the relief when I found no dead baby pigeon on my way back from work...and a promisingly empty looking nest! Yay!
xXx