There's so much I don't understand. I don't understand the ways in which you work, the why's, how's and who's by which you work. I dont understand the plan, the timing, the placing or the waiting. The pain, confusion, striving and losing...gaining and grasping and holding. There's so much I don't understand. Fighting and chasing, endless debating and crying and laughing and love.
But there's things I do understand. You are. Because you are, there is point, peace and depth. Laughter and purpose, hope and joy. The void is filled, cries heard, hands held. This is enough.

just something cool

Just started a new book I got, not exactly light entertainment but its interesting - 'Justice, Mercy and Humility', about poverty and issues surrounding it, and how Christianity relates, or at least should(!) to it. So yeah - read this and it just jumped out as good, maybe it wont for you..but then its my blog!!! ;o)

'We have been learning from our grass-roots involvement with poor communities. We have learned the importance of the participation of the poor in the process of development. We have learned the need for mutual transformation. We have learned that sustainable development is as much about empowerment, the restoration of dignity and attitudinal change as it is about the provision of physical products and services. We have learned that development is time-intensive rather than capital intensive. We have learned, above all, that development is about building and rebuilding relationships - with God, with others in community and with creation.'

big dogs forever

Gran canaria = derived from 'big dogs' in spanish, of which there used to be lots on the island so I was informed. I have to say..pleasantly surpirsed with our last minute package holiday!! Why do I not have more faith? We had a WONDERFUL time, we laughed loads and got in all sorts of adventures but were just completely chilled out for the whole week which was lovely. Some of you I'll talk to cos I HAVE to tell you about some of the goings on...but we made it back anyway, only just as it happens because we'd got mixed up with dates and onlyt realised that we in fact flew home early this morning, rathjer than early tomorrow morning, ONE HOUR before we were being picked up. You've never seen 2 people pack so quickly in yuour life, but we did it - hurrah! Well done to Janae for randomly checking the departure board downstairs a day early!! Anyway..wont go on about it here, dont worry! It was lovely though, got to see some of the real island which was surprisingly lovely, survived the tourist resorts and even went on an organised bar crawl (yes I did think it would be the realisation of one of my worst nightmares) - but we actualy had a really good time! Weather was just perfect, really hot and lovely, Im quite tanned in bits which is good for me after just a week! So..lovely lovely holiday! Missed you all though, see/speak to you all soon, lots of love xXx

Congratulaations, and celebraations....la la la

Ok..I've been away and now I am back. There's some congratulations in order...and they're all for people I love awfully much...so 3 cheers and a clink of the glass if you will, for...
the beautiful Miss (sorry bout the chillie's mistake hun...u stick with that pink!) ESTHER POLLEY....happy 22nd birthday.
possibly the BEST driver in the UK, and now she's official...Miss Sara Lammas.
my ma and pa who have now been married for a whole 25 years...and who bought eachother the SAME anniversary card, hmm!
lots of kisses to you all...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A brief return

Sorry about my lack of blogs of late...I was working at spring harvest in minehead for a week, with the very springy 'maxi springers' (under 5's). The work was much more enjoyable that I'd expected (oh me of little faith!), and the whole spring harvest experience thought provoking, confusing and unexpectedly challenging. It's nice to be back home and out of what felt like a Christian capsule...how many books and bibles CAN you purchase from wesley owen in 6 days?does my faith look big in this?I like to approach at least one group of youths a day in public places and spontaneously inform them about Jesus.No I don't want that logo on my jacket, it has to SHOUT christian louder.I'm not good enough because I'M not like THEM.It's GOD the builder because Bob the builder's not holy enough.JC/DC - jesuschristdemoncrusher.How many seminars?How many celebrations?How many saved?jumpjumpjumpjump.Lose to win,win by losing,losing is winning,lose to win.Wrist bands like medals.Logo's like uniforms. And breathe. Intense and challenging and revealing...how much I've changed and how little of that change I understand, but it's not scary, it's ok. It was good though...there were good things happening in that bubble, there were over seven thousand people there this week, that's seven thousand different experiences and perspectives. It hit me, when I was in the big top one morning, Christianity really is revolutionary, because Jesus really is revolutionary. If I could just live it, even if I could just try to live it more than I do...and then just imagine if the six thousand nine hundred and ninety nine people do it...what a beautiful and awesome sight the bursting of that bubble would be?!
Anyways...am awaying to the isle of Gran Canari tomorrow, and I have yet to complete packing. So I'll say good bye, probably won't be clogging for the next week or so, so take care! love you all
xXx

I had to ask!

Yep..I had to ask didnt I...'how much can go wrong in 6 days...?' - will I ever learn?!!! (That was a rhetorical question because we all know that the answer is NO she will not..but at least things'll stay interesting!) SO...we came to booking tockets..and are there ANY tickets for trinas that would get us to Minehead, indeed anywhere close, for Spring Harvest..no there are not. So!...after 2 days of faffing anf phone calls, we are booked into a quaint little guest house in the sleepy town of Taunton for monday night! So there we have it..the adventure continues...!
Hot cross buns tomorrow,a kind-of day off and a gig tomorrow...should be good. Happy Good Friday everyone, God Bless you all and dog
xXx

I forgot to say!...I discovered a new place! It's called Paul (yes..just Paul!) and its a cake shop (yes JUST cake!..well actually no, cake and pastries and coffee and chocolate, the odd savoury and all things nice)..and its so cool! Me and Janae decided we needed to go out for dessert...so we discovered Paul! I kind of felt like I'd stepped into an Oscar Wilde play...the art and the red velvet seats and pieces of cake...not sure why that brings Oscar Wilde to mind but it does! Paul was established in 1889(AD!) and its lovely...and I think that anyone who comes to visit me here in London..we should also visit Paul! Its also the best place for people watching...allsorts of inteersting/elegant/eccentric people...very fun!
Also...the formidable task of becoming a Spring Harvest volunteer was merely fooling me when it seemed to be over on saturday evening...to cut a long story short, no one had told the leader of the 8-11's that I was in fact going on a dfferent week...so she rung me up late at night slightly frantic at my non-appearance...aaargh! It IS all sorted now though...and only 6 days til I go..how much can go wrong in 6 days she asks...?!!!
xXx

Hmm...have had to count to ten and calm down tonight, in fact I've had to do that afew times lately! I keep finding myself getting quite wound up by people and by things...and I dont really like getting wound up, when in a bad way...its not fun. Maybe its chasing an ideal, what we should be like...what the people around me should be like, what the church should be like, what my bar should be like..what I should be like. Spose it's God giving me hints, if he was manager of All Bar One he'd be giving me sales targets...not that God ever would be manager of All Bar One...! So I have these things which I know should 'be', and 'aren't', at least they 'arent' enough. So then I get frustrated..instead of trying to do somehting about it, concentrate on the way that I am and 'are' etc, I get frustrated and discouraged..think that could be it! Sometimes its hard though, to figure out how to change things by 'being' when you feel quite small and not very useful..its easier to just get frustrated and wallow in the shortcomings of it all. Feel bad typing all this cos I feel like Im being negative...but Im not really being negative, it helps to rant, and then hopefully I'll be able to be more positive..in fact I deifnately WILL be more positive! Does this make any sense...do I sound totally negative..?!
xXx

The Passion

Finally got to see Mel Gibson's new film, The Passion of the Christ, yesterday evening. After afew weeks of debating the mere concept of the film..then the trailer..etcetc, I ifnqlly got to actually see the film! I don't want to say much about it here really, mainly because there'll be lots of people who still havent seen it and want to, and partly because Im not altogether sure what to write! So yeah...sure I'll chat to lots of you about it at some point, and I look forward to it.
Finished All Bar One at 5 today..oh the luxury! Bit of a trying day though..the whole entire til system broke down so we went back afew years and had only paper and calculators...was interesting!
I think...'think'...that I am finally, 4 years later, registered legitimatly as a Spring Harvest volunteer! Thought it was sorted over a week ago, and hwas having cold sweats about the prospect of being on the 'omega Zone' team with the 8-11's and a t0shirt with my name on it. But on closer inspection of the paper work..it was the wrong week!..cue hysterical laughter. So rung them again...and now I'm doing the under-5's...vomit and pee here we come. BUT...it was my preference to 8-11's so thats ok! Quite looking forward to it now...after all this! Added bonus..wonderful Jenny made me a t-shirt with my name on it for the omega zone, its beautiful and sparkly with music notes on it..dont actually HAVE to wear it now, but I have a new tshirt with my name on it..yay!!!
xXx

typo scmypo

Random blog time...Sometimes when I read over my posts I realise that there's an abunfance of typo's! In fact...anyone who knows me pretty well will know that I am a crap typer!..I can spell no problem, but can I hit the write letters on a keyboard?..rarely! So sometimes I change my words so they are actually words...but I think Ive decided not to bother! It's characterful I reckon...you get to read REAL words alll the time..but typo's are more of a rareity! So...I apologise in advance for my strange typing, and I hope you come to love it as much as I (sometimes) do!
p.s. Yes there are typo's in this post, I just glanced over it...I promise theyre not intentional!
xXx
p.p.s. I managed to rearrange my links..yay me! Are you proud Est?..I mastered a tiny bit of blog technology!